 I've been married for 20 years to a kind, but boring, man. I have always gone out with my friends and had a good time, but recently I met a man at a club and I can't stop thinking about him. I even sent him an email through Friends Reunited, but he hasn't replied.
Now I'm very depressed and don't know if I love my husband any more. I have told him how I feel, and although he says he is willing to change and that we'll do more together, I think it's too late. How can I feel so strongly about a man I've only known for two hours?
 It sounds as if you've been unhappy with your marriage for a while, and now you've met someone you like, that unhappiness seems really clear. All the negative emotion you've been pushing down has come shooting up - so you feel angry, upset and rejecting towards your husband. And all the positive emotion you haven't felt for years has also come shooting up - so you feel passionate, needy and obsessed with this other man.
Problem is, what you feel for him isn't real and it isn't love. You don't know him so you can't possibly love him, care for him or build a relationship with him. Plus, of course, there's no evidence that he wants you.
This is tough talking, I know, but you need to realise two things. First, what you're feeling for this man is not the basis for leaving your husband. Secondly, that something is wrong with your marriage and you need to sort it out.
It's almost certainly possible to mend your relationship with your husband if the two of you are willing to try. But you won't be able to do it alone. Arrange some counselling sessions with Relate. If through the sessions you realise that your marriage is at an end, the counsellor will help you part in the best possible way.
The bottom line here, hard though it is, is that what you feel for this man does not mean that you and he have a future together. But he has given you a gift - the courage to sort your life out! |
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2 comments:
Hi my name is Michelle, There is a play out called the marriage counselor by Tyler Perry. It is funny but also very serious. It makes all the points why you could and should try to work out your relationship with someone just because there are some imperfections going on. Also there is this rule out there called the 80......20 which means that you will only get 80 percent of what you really need from a person...no more no less....but then this 20 percent person shows up and gives you the 20 that you have been missing and you are willing to leave the 80 for the 20. Cause 20 looks good when you are not receiving it. Then when you get the 20 it's not enough to sustain you. If you can stick with your 80 and work on getting the extra 20 out of your mate. It will be far more worth it in the end instead of getting someone who will bring drama later on in life. I promise you if you pray and try some new things with your spouse things will brighten up. Don't be a person that has to regret a wonderful loss. Thanks Michelle ziar777@yahoo.com
Hi,
My name is Sharon Vergis and I am the assistant editor of counselor.org. I am contacting you today in hopes of developing a relationship with your website; we have seen your site and think your content is great. Counselor.org is a purely informational site dedicated to the general Public.
I hope you show some interest in building relationship, please contact me at sharon.counselor.org@gmail.com.
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